App Development As My Art Therapy (Or How I Overcame My Mental Breakdown With Coding)
“Oh, you develop apps, good money in that.”
It’s the first thing people say when they find out I’m a developer, a designer and a coder. Yes, it’s true, when I worked for others (as a coder and designer for hire) I did indeed make good money.
Until I burnt out, that is…
You see — I never really got into development for the money, that was a byproduct of a passion I always had. Designing software, apps and experiences became my self-expression and identity. Like a writer or a musician. I was passionate about exploring ideas, creating new concepts and building on existing ones.
But that all changes when you’re a coder for hire all. Your creative control is zapped from you and you’re too mentally exhausted to pursue your own projects. You’re left leasing your mental real-estate to others.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun at first, but sooner or later you wake up realising your spark is gone. Well, that’s what happened to me anyway. The endless deadlines and constant calls about code issues or things breaking tend to wear you down over time.
It was enough to lead me to a full mental breakdown. My brain just ceased to access that higher level of thinking. The part of your brain required for problem solving. Which, as it turns out, is the part of your brain needed for coding. Which made a lot of people very angry with me. After-all — they were reliant on me performing the tasks I promised. I had let them down. Which fueled my mental breakdown further.
My therapist told me it was a warning sign. Alarm bells to make drastic changes. But all of a sudden my identity, income and purpose was taken away from me.
Don’t worry, it’s ok now, there’s a happy ending.
Over time my mental agility returned and I was able to start writing code again. My mind returned to that state of an inquisitive child learning about the world of computers, programming, ideas and creation all over again.
My mental breakdown was my renaissance — and the ideas flowed. First in small drips and then in streams. Until all of a sudden it was a tidal wave creativity.
I‘m no longer a coder for hire. But I haven’t given it up. Now I code, create, design and explore ideas in my spare time. I’m no longer accountable to anyone. I no longer have deadlines. Now I’m finally free to develop the apps, designs and ideas that interest me. I’m in a privileged position where I can give back to the world and create something meaningful and impactful. Or, at the very least, express myself in the only way I know.
In 2020 I’ll be aiming to release a new app, idea or project every month. I’ll be documenting my progress to show you what works and what doesn’t. Some will flop and I don’t mind. After all it’s therapeutic, relaxing and fun. Yes, fun. I’m that weirdo who enjoys ideas and creating.
There’s no business model in place and there’s no real structure. I’ll just be releasing the initial beta versions for free. If my work gains momentum or people start to take an interest I can see what sort of resources can be pulled to take the idea further.
Stay tuned friends
