I’m not going to lie, I struggle with being a single father..

Every time the kids leave my care and go back to their mothers I’m left with a sudden emptiness. Like a part of my soul has left with them. The energy in the house is just empty.

Like a void.

Although I crave solitude at times it’s the sudden energy shift that gets me. In retrospect I took for granted all those years of being a family unit. Coming home to hugs and kisses from my children. I miss that. I miss the sense of purpose and that special type of meaning to life.

Now I come home to an empty house.

I worked on the dream of a happy family, a home and a white picket fence. The type of idealisation we were sold on TV. But life isn’t a movie.

I blamed myself for not being able to keep my family unit together.

I blamed myself for not living up to the expectations of society.

I blame myself for my living up to my own expectations.

But I have 3 beautiful kids because of it.

All I can do is keep my head up, try to be a better role model for my kids, and be there for them later in life.

But no-one told me any of this —

And, let’s be honest, if I was given this advice would I have changed anything?

Probably not.